That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Symbolic! It's the Television Letdowns of the Past Year.

Looking back, we consider the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward sequels to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful writing, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the show struggled to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third season began, it seemed as if it had at last found its groove. Then came an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

All’s Fair

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the least of this drama's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of wealth and materialism? The almost deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely reacted when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just profoundly boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee homemaking as intentional statements. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental platitudes and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are clearly fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this documentary series chose not to explore them. Instead, the viewing was like consuming a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even camper, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s even now too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more disappointingly, we only saw glimpses of the star via prerecorded videos. The show ended up reeking of a production that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.

The Lena Dunham Romcom

How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress took her biggest role by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt icky.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, expectations were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a single joke stretched to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lurching from oddly jaunty, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.

Prime Target

We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a discovery that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals honestly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for sexual escapades as she undertook her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.

Denise Carter
Denise Carter

A passionate gamer and strategist with years of experience in analyzing game mechanics and sharing winning insights.